Given the challenges and chaos we find ourselves in as we enter this holiday season, it occurs to me that, regardless of political beliefs, background, socio-economic status, race, health, age, religious or sexual orientation, everyone is affected in some way by what is going on in our communities, our country and the world. There is a lot being written and talked about (a) what is happening, (b) what might happen and, more importantly, (c) how to handle all of it. From my point of view, the best thing to do is to ask two questions:
“What can I personally do to get through the chaos?”
“What can I personally do to find peace and blessings?”
Reviewing my own reactions and responses to all that has been happening, here are some thoughts and suggestions. As always, take what works and leave the rest.
1. Pay attention to and feel the feelings. This has become the first step I take in almost every challenging situation because I used to unconsciously turn away from any uncomfortable feelings and repress them. I now know that is not a healthy way to live and can create all sorts of problems mentally and physically.
It can be very helpful to share feelings with others, AND, what really helps me process them is journaling, especially stream-of-consciousness writing—allowing the words to flow from within, bypassing rational thought and logic.
It’s amazing what revelations arise and how this can dissolve fear and anxiety.
2. Recognize the Power of Your Choices. As I discuss throughout my book, whether you are conscious of it or not, your choices powerfully dictate how you live your life—the choices you make determine your experience. It is often said that it’s not what happens to you that creates stress and its subsequent problems, but how you react or respond to what happens. If you get dragged down or swept up in personal or global issues, it takes practice to look at things differently, regardless of outer appearances and conditions, and create a different, more calming experience. But it can work when you realize that in just one moment you can choose a different thought. Try it!
In any given moment, you can make another choice.
You can choose thoughts that are loving, kind and supportive.
You can choose those that are not.
You can choose one thought, and an instant later you are free to choose another!
Annie Rohrbach
Conscious Order: Clear Your Mind, Leave Clutter Behind, p. 31
3. Turn Challenges into Opportunities. In recent years, this is a concept I’ve really been working on—finding the lessons and “gifts” in the challenges that arise. What can I learn from this? What can I do differently? It used to take me weeks, months, years to discover the “opportunities” presented in a challenge, but now it’s possible to find them pretty quickly. A few recent setbacks had me reeling for a couple of weeks after returning from an amazing 10-week, 10,526-mile camping trip earlier this month—some more leg issues and needing some unexpected dental surgery. AND, with inspiration from my physical therapist and QiGong teacher, I’ve changed my recent funk into making some new self-motivating choices. The result is a greater commitment to my ongoing practice of “Extreme Self Care.” I’m very excited about it!
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill
4. Practice Extreme Self-Care. This is a term I first learned about more than 20 years ago from Life Coach Cheryl Richardson in her book Take Time for Your Life (highly recommended). Part of that practice is eliminating things that drain you and replacing them with things that fuel you—in mind, body and spirit. Having sorted through a lot of that, I now apply it most frequently to my physical and mental health to make sure I can sustain my healthiest, most vibrant self. I used to think of this as a battle, but now I choose to think of it as a privilege to take the best care of myself that I can. It is definitely an ongoing work in progress! One of my favorite practices is to attend an annual 4-day Silent Retreat early each January to set my intentions for the year and fill up with peaceful, calming energy.
5. Reach Out To Others. There are many reasons to reach out to others. Hopefully you have family and/or friends in your life, as well as professionals in health and wellness and others you’ve found who offer support through all life’s ups and downs. You might also consider reaching out to help others—individuals or groups—who might need your support locally and beyond. These connections are powerful and can certainly enhance feelings of well-being.
6. Create Calming Spaces. It’s really important to create spaces in your living environment that have a calming influence, especially when life is busy and/or challenging. Ideally it would be your whole house/apartment, but in many cases that might not be very realistic. I highly recommend creating at least one space that feels super-comfortable—a place to sit quietly and simply BE. It can be a whole room or simply a special chair in a quiet corner or on a front porch—a place where you are surrounded only by things that nurture and calm you…soothing colors, soft lighting and music (if that appeals), comfortable furniture, warm, cozy…and clutter-free. That could be a challenge in itself, but do your best to have clear spaces, with nothing that distracts you from peaceful tranquility. These spaces can also help build up that calming state of mind in your daily living so it is easier to deal with stressful events in the future.
7. Spend Time Outdoors. Even if we have calming spaces indoors, spending time outdoors (even in the winter) can fill our mind, body and spirit in miraculous ways. Find something there that makes you feel good—a tree, a flower, a bird, snow on the branches, a sunset, stars, the moon. There is beauty all around us if we simply look for it. If you can’t be outdoors, look out the windows. Find something nourishing. Walking on the earth can also help us feel more grounded and able to deal better with whatever comes our way.
8. Incorporate Calming Activities into Your Daily Life. Think of some of the things you can do to relax and feel more at peace. Beyond the suggestions above, perhaps there are words of inspiration or other things you enjoy reading, listen to music, take a long shower or bath, write in a journal, savor a warm beverage, pray, meditate, stretch, sing, dance, play with your pet, talk with a friend, knit/crochet, work with wood, do a jigsaw puzzle. Deep breathing is one of my favorite practices (with the exhale longer than the inhale). It takes me out of any fear or worry (past and future) and brings me back into the present moment. Think about what is calming to you. And, by the way, if you think you don’t have time for such things, make an appointment with yourself and use one of my favorite affirmations:
There is plenty of time and each moment counts.
9. Do Your Best to Find and Focus on the Good. As challenging as this might be sometimes, from my perspective it’s really important to put more focus on the Good. I don’t want to energize and increase what doesn’t feel so good, so I choose to focus on Peace, Love, Joy and Harmony. That’s what I want more of! It’s part of the Law of Attraction. As I was thinking about creating this newsletter, a song came on the radio by country singer Luke Bryant called, “Most People Are Good.” My husband Gary and I have certainly found this to be true. Over the last eight years we have traveled to Ireland, Wales, England, Scotland, The Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Hungary, Montenegro, Croatia, Italy, Iceland, Canada and throughout the USA, and everywhere we go—from the smallest towns to the largest cities—we meet welcoming, friendly, good people. There are LOTS of good people in the world so let’s be very grateful for all of them. Regardless of what else is going on, think about the Good in your life—including the Good People—and give thanks for it all.
10. Be Grateful and Express Your Gratitude. In the latest edition of Real Simple magazine we are reminded to take extra care to appreciate the wonderful people and things around us, both ordinary and extraordinary. Studies prove that “feeling thankful benefits our bodies, minds and spirits, rewarding us with feel-good hormones that can boost our health and happiness.” May we find and give thanks for all the blessings and do our best to cultivate and express more Peace, Love, Joy and Harmony, in our families, our communities, our country and the world.
In closing, I’d like to share a post on our local Neighbor Next Door from a year ago that I’ve read and re-read several times this year:
AS THE WORLD fights to figure everything out,
I’ll be holding doors for strangers,
Letting people cut in front of me in traffic,
Saying good morning,
Keeping babies entertained in grocery lines,
Stopping to talk to someone who is lonely,
Tipping generously,
Waving at police,
Sharing food,
Giving children a thumbs-up,
Being patient with sales clerks,
Smiling at passersby, and
WHY?
Because I will not stand to live in a world where love is invisible.
Show kindness and understanding, and judge less.
Be kind to a stranger,
Give grace to friends who are having a bad day,
Be forgiving with yourself.
If you can’t find kindness, be kindness.
Author Unknown, but bless whoever it is!
Offered with loving kindness and deepest gratitude.
